Jerry The Troll: An Investment In Attention

Boy, there sure are a lot of brave people on the internet.

I tell you.

One can scarcely root for a football team, speak one's mind about politics, or even ask directions to, say, a convenience store in Thunder Bay in Ontario without some would-be Ninja or Navy SEAL informing you that he's so much tougher than you and makes a "...six figure income and has a Ferrari". Mind you, the six figure's income he refers to suffers from a twice-left decimal placement. From his comments, you suspected that the income figure was fishy, but you had no idea just how fishy we're talking here. Why, that decimal point is so far to the left that it appears to be flirting with the only non-zero numeral in that whole, magnificent line of numbers.

His Ferrari, though, is truly beautiful. Truly. Never again will you see such a glossy, shiny car. It is a masterpiece of detail and craftsmanship. It is one of a kind and deserving of attention and praise. It should be: Jerry spent days gluing all the pieces together. Oh -don't forget the paint chore! Who knew a 1/25th scale model kit could prove such a challenge to a man as smart and as tough as Jerry?

And talk about tough! The guy who posts responses to your questions about cc'ing combustion chambers on 426 race hemi engines, or whether or not neo-Calvinism should seek canonized leadership is always -always- a former Green Beret and can take you down "just like that". Heavens, that guy is a real tough case. He hunts shark and catches them with just his lower teeth. That's how tough he is. They make Halloween masks based on his angry moods. I'm talking tough.

Take a popular video website. (Can't use any names here without getting in trouble with the folks who run this website.) Go to any video and post a comment. In no time, Jerry will reply, informing you that you're not really a human, but merely a mere portion of one and a rude portion at that. Jerry has discovered that the appropriate response to those who disagree with them is to refer you as a part of a body. Well, Jerry, you're a fingernail. How do you like that? Heck, you're worse than that. You're ear hair. Who's the big bully now, Jerry? You're an elbow, so there.

And there's plenty more where that came from. Guess that'll teach you to mess with me.

We all encounter Jerry on occasion: he's covered with boils, has scraggly hair and a matching beard, and he lives under a bridge. Jerry, of course, is a troll. His whole purpose in life is to distract you in order to get your attention so he can keep it and control you. He's probably unemployed and undereducated. He likely doesn't go outside very often, or even open his curtains, preferring to keep away from sunlight lest he burst into flames and set his eight track tape collection on fire. Jerry is not a happy camper. Ol' Jer is a common occurrence on the net, which makes life just a little bit more interesting.

I'm thankful for the Jerries out there.

It's nice, sometimes, to know how not to go through life.